http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2010/08/02/letting-go-2
this article is so sad, i think i'll rather die happy if i ever get a terminal illness than to suffer with tubes and doses of chemicals slowly killing myself

this kinda reminded me that everything now really doesn't matter,
getting an exco position in fop/rag which i didn't;
being on the wrong side of the bell curve;
when people who said they'll stay leave;
getting judged for my actions/things i say;
the bad hair days;
getting that 0 for prac;
all those 'tears and rejections and failures' in life up till now - all don't matter anymore, being in a place where success is highly valued - we cannot afford to lose, to fail, but without failures, how can you achieve success? we're too vulnerable to mistakes, we err, we don't try anymore. BUT;
with experience, you can only get stronger and better - mao
i honestly miss those periods where life wasn't that competitive, where learning was really valued more than grades alone. i'm seriously surrounded by people who are super duper smart and hardworking and what-not but they DONT KNOW HOW TO BE HUMANS. COUGHS.

besides, as long as you're happy with what you're doing, and surrounded by the people who really matter, nothing else matters and these are my ultimate aims in life now - to grow and learn as an individual, accept criticisms from ppl, and to always be happy and cheerful as long as i live ^~^ (you never know when you're gonna leave anyway)

uni has been a really scary place, but it isn't so bad in pharm i guess, there's 193 ppl in the cohort (for now), it's quite small plus fop, fow and rag allowed us to mingle around, so technically everyone, knows everyone else (except for phantoms as we call them, or ppl who are super low profile)
the good thing? you will always have people to go lecture with, ppl whom you can talk to, ppl whom you can ask qns when you're in doubt
the bad thing? you'll be overly dependent on them, and i really don't want to be dependent on anyone in pharm, because i know you can never depend on ppl, ultimately the only person you can depend on, is yourself. unless you want to die and rot alone when they leave, and that only leaves you more broken than ever. then comes the problem of forming cliques, usually og-bound. in fact, i'm like almost dying 'cos i can't breathe, the fact that i'm someone who likes changes once in a while, i can't stick to the same grp of ppl, but the fact that everyone's so trapped in their own cliques that it's hard to mingle w other ppl.

okay, actl you know what. i just don't like people. but do i have a choice? i'm sorry if i seem so distant sometimes, but it's just me. and at that point of time, i prob can't stand your presence anymore that's why.

Labels: life